A Nice monkey story

A Nice monkey story
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of
the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas
hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey
tries to climb the ladder, all the other monkeys are
sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the
ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be
sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of
the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new
monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the
ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are
doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately
begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall
upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A
second original monkey is removed and replaced. The
newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all
the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This
includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he’s not on the receiving end this time, participates
in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing
it. However, he has no idea why he’s attacking the new
monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are
replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None
of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of
them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up
any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why. “AND THAT’S HOW MANY
COMPANY’S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED”.

Paradigm Shift …..good one

Imagine you are at an Airport. While you’re waiting for your flight, you notice a kiosk selling cookies. You buy a box, put them in your traveling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally, you find a seat next to a gentleman.

You reach down into your traveling bag and pull out your box of cookies.As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you open the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box, and eats it! You’re more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you’re at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but also he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one.

Now, what’s your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy?He’s got some nerve? Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there’s just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he’s finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves.

You think to yourself, “Did this really happen?” You’re left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry. So you go back to the kiosk and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when you glance down into your traveling bag. Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies – still unopened.

Only then do you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man’s bag, and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You’ve just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You’re seeing things from a new point of view. Is it time to change your point of view?

Moral

Many a times, we are clouded by our own instincts and predispositions. These hamper our relationship with our peers, subordinates and superiors. Try to be non-judgmental and look beyond the obvious.

expectations

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please”. The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it’s about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. Then the dog shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver’s seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big Iron Gateand rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punch him, and swearing at him.

The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. “What in heaven’s name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!” to which the Guy responds: “You call this clever? This is

the second time this week that this stupid dog’s forgotten his key.”

*Moral of the story: You may continue to exceed onlooker’s expectations but shall always fall short of the boss’ expectations. It’s dog’s life after all………*

saying the right thing

Rohit woke up one fine morning with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!”

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door”.

Totally Confused, Rohit asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!”

His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said , “hey !!!!!!! leave me alone! I’m married!”

Moral

Breakfast — Rs. 100.00

Self-induced hangover — Rs. 2000.00

Broken furniture — Rs. 20,000.00

Saying The Right Thing While Drunk – PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funny story

My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist.
(In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The ‘Holey’ Family hospital but are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.)
This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.

“Please come in. Be seated.” I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. “Relax.”

“Doctor, will this hurt a lot?”

“Not at all.”

The patient relaxed visibly. “You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed.”

I was shocked. “Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious
complications.”

“I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn’t budge.”

I smiled and said, “If it were that easy, who would need doctors?”

She gave a cute smile and said, “Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick.”

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.

“Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?”

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, “There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night.”

Now it was the patient’s turn to be confused, “You mean to say that it happens only at night?”

I saw her point. “No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection.”

She was even more confused, “It depends on my moods?”

Again I saw her point. “My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens.”

“My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside.”

“You mean that pin man?”

“Yeah!”

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. “You were wise not to heed his advice.”

“But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work.”

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.

“But have you taken your husband’s permission?”

Now the patient looked confused. “Do I have to take my husband’s permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We were not able to meet for the last one year.”

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of ‘those’ cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. “No! No! The husband’s sign is not at all needed.”

“However, I did inform him on phone.”

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn’t know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. “Its good that you came a bit early.”

“Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work.”

“Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat.”

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, “You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days.”

By now, the poor patient was trembling, “how-H-How much bleeding?”

“Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so.”

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, “Why don’t you lie down on the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax.”

This was the final straw. She didn’t even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
Kishore Shah 1974